


Holding Each Other Together

by EdosianOrchids901



Series: Plain Simple Prompts [35]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Anxiety, Claustrophobia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Elim Garak, POV First Person, Post-Episode: s05e15 By Inferno's Light, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 08:59:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16343810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdosianOrchids901/pseuds/EdosianOrchids901
Summary: Dialogue prompt: “Did you know that you flinch every time you lie?”





	Holding Each Other Together

**Author's Note:**

> Part of a series of ficlets based on dialogue prompts from Tumblr. Written 7/18.

I wasn’t sure I could endure another night of this – of shallow, uneven breaths, drifting off to sleep only to be immediately awakened by the sensation of the walls closing in, unable to rest… 

It was already getting difficult to breathe, and we’d only had the lights off for a few minutes. I shut my eyes, which only made it worse. Come on, Garak. Get it together. You can’t have a panic attack, not again. It’s not fair to Julian. 

“Elim?” A gentle, warm hand brushed against my cheek. “Hey.”

“I’m sorry, am I keeping you up?” My words tumbled over each other, unclear, hurried. I took another bracing breath, trying to calm myself. 

“Lights.” Illumination flooded the room, and Julian pushed up into a sitting position. “Hey, what’s going on?”

Nearly too anxious to respond, I opted to sit up as well, reaching for my glass of kanar on the nightstand. Perhaps this would keep my demons at bay for just a little while. “Nothing’s going on, my dear. I’m perfectly all right,” I replied, keeping my eyes down as I drank. 

“Did you know that you flinch every time you lie?”

Startled, I twisted to look at him. His expression was tight, frustrated, which only increased my own agitation. “I do not.”

“Regardless,” he said a little too loudly, “you need to quit acting like you’re fine when you’re clearly not.”

“But Doctor, I am fine.”

“Don’t you ‘Doctor’ me. Not now. Not after all this.” He took a short, sharp breath and fixed me with an intense glare. “There’s no way in hell you’re fine. Not only did your father die, you also had to spend far too long in a situation that severely triggered your claustrophobia. Ever since we got back, you’ve been practically jumping out of your skin whenever we’re in the dark.”

I averted my gaze again, ashamed of myself. Bad enough to be so weak in the first place – but that I’d so utterly failed to hide it? That was inexcusable. 

“You needn’t trouble yourself. I’m simply being pathetic.” I rolled the edge of the blanket in between my fingers, trying to focus on that sensation rather than the suffocating panic winding its way around my chest. 

“You’re not being pathetic, dammit!” Julian’s voice broke, and I looked up in shock. “You’re dealing with so many layers of trauma that I don’t even know how to start helping you! I don’t know what to do, Elim! And it’s not like I’m in great shape here, either. I’m trying to adjust to life back on the station, and it’s hard. It’s so hard…”

“Julian?” Deeply alarmed, I touched his shoulder. “Darling boy, are you all right?”

“No, I’m not.” He made an effort to choke back tears, futilely wiping at his eyes. “I was a prisoner of war. They locked me in solitary for a week, Elim. And now I’m scared. I dunno how to get back to my life, I’m afraid to be alone… and I’m worried about you, so worried…”

His breaths seized, and I took his face in my hands. “Julian, look at me,” I urged, my own panic escalating. What was I supposed to do? My mind raced through the times he’d helped me through attacks, frantically trying to compile useful information and approaches. “It’s all right. I’m here.”

He gave me a look so full of grief that I thought I might weep as well. “You talk about your own reactions to trauma so harshly,” he whispered. “It makes me feel like you’ll judge me if I can’t just bounce back from this.”

“Oh, beloved…” I stroked my thumbs across his cheeks, struggling to find the words. “I deeply regret that I’ve caused you to feel as though you can’t come to me in this matter. My harshness only extends to myself. I would never dream of belittling you for being affected by such a horrific experience.” 

Julian sniffled, trying to compose himself. He was failing, though – no matter his efforts to mask the pain, I could now see how severely he’d been impacted, and how desperately he needed comfort and support. “Yeah, I know that, I really do. Sorry, Garak.”

“Shhh, you needn’t apologize.” Taking my best guess at the proper approach, I folded him into an embrace. He responded immediately, fists knotting on the back of my nightshirt and holding on as if his life depended on it. 

“I’m supposed to be helping you,” he mumbled against my shoulder, voice low with self-incrimination. 

Gratitude for this kind man flooded me, and I closed my eyes against the threat of tears. Tightening my hold, I rocked him slowly. “We’ll help each other through this.”


End file.
